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Flashback.......
My life in MD had drastically changed in just two short years. I had just lost both of my parents & for once in my life I was totally alone. Not really knowing where to turn I decided to pack my bags & move to the Big Apple to find myself. I wanted to pursue my dancing career & what a better place to start in the city that never sleeps. Life was pretty lonely those 1st. few months, no real friends, jobs that fell thru. Maxed out credit cards due to shoping sprees when I was bored. (Which was alot) I was almost ready to give up until that day he bumped into me on the street. Thinking back I think I loved him from that very moment! I had just walked out of the Virgin Mega store, loaded down, once again with packages I could not afford, when they were knocked out of my hands by one the most gorgeous guys I had ever run into! (literally) His name was Drew, and from the moment we shook hands, I knew I would love him forever!
The next 3 months passed so fast! We were in love, I had the house I had always wanted on the beach, the man of my dreams & a ring on my finger to match! I could never of asked for more except of course for my parents to be there to witness this! Then that one fatal day blew my dream life totally apart! Nick, Drews brother had called, he wanted Drew to fly out to California & join his group. I knew this was something that Drew had always dreamed of & I also knew that I needed to let Drew go to pursue it! I found out that very same day I was pregnant with his child. Torn, I wanted to tell him about our baby, knowing he would make a wonderful father! But I also knew that if I told him this, he would never go & try to be who he always wanted to be! I made the biggest sacrifce I think I will ever make that day. To let him go. The next morning, I packed my bags while he was still sleeping, left his ring along with a sad goodbye letter, kissed him on the head & I walked out of his life!
I went home to MD, giving up everything to have Drew Anthony eight & a half month's later. He was the most beautiful child I had ever seen. The perfect little carbon copy of his daddy. Which brought tears to my eyes whenever I looked at him! But I was happy because I knew I had made the right choice by letting Drew go. Not long after he had arrived in California the group, 98 he had joined had gotten a recording contract. I was still following his career & the group's rise to the top across sea's. I also kept in touch with his mother now & then, she knew nothing about her grandson and she promised not to tell Drew that I was still in touch with her! It was just better that way.
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Now that your far away
I can see everything so clear
Now that your really gone
I can feel you lying, you standing here
And if I had another chance to say goodbye
I would just say thank you for the times we spent
And not to cry, cause I'm
Still watching over you
Though we're far apart
You'll never really be
So far from my heart
I'm watching over you
I've looked inside my dreams
And everytime I see...You watching
over me.......
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Still in flashback....
When Drew Anthony was around a year old, I had gotten back in touch with my old dancing coaches, got on with my career & our lives. Out of pure luck I landed the job as a dancer on the Vida Loca tour with Ricky Martin. It was yet another dream come true. I had followed Ricky's career when I was a teenager & loving his group Menudo espically his fellow group mate Roy Rosello. So I had really been looking forward to our new future. Once again my life was in another whirlwind, things happened fast. I had become Ricky's lead Bon-Bon dancer & landed Roy around the same time! I had even gotten Drew Anthony his own personal nanny for those times that I was not there for him. Life was perfect! Or so I thought...
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Present day.....
Roy, Drew Anthony & I had just landed in Miami for the 2nd. leg of the tour. We were returning from MD, where we had just announced our engagement to my family & friends.
I was trying to get a very hyper little boy to go to sleep. Roy had excepted Drew Anthony as his own & was planning on adopting him in the near future. I had to laugh, because little Drew was yelling insanely at Roy to watch the new Pokemon movie with him. He refused to go to sleep until this happened.
At almost two and a 1/2 years, he was speaking clearly & looking more & more like his daddy everyday. I thought of Drew everytime I looked at our son! It was hard not to! I really wish that he could know his Daddy but some things are just not meant to be, I guess.
Finally after almost two hours he had fallen asleep. Only after watching half of Pokemon, as exepected. Roy was almost asleep also, until I shook him. We had decided To head downstairs for some dinner.
"Eugenia, if you need us, DO NOT hesitate to call our cell phone!" I said as we headed out of the room. We stopped in the bar to grab a quick bite, but the place was totally chaotic and people were bouncing off of us left & right congratulating us on our engagment! Roy was still really exhausted from our trip & decided to turn in for the night. I followed Roy back up to the room first before heading anywhere else. I wanted to check on little Drew. He was sleeping so peacefully that I decided to go take a walk on the beach, maybe that would get rid of this restless energy I was feeling. I just felt like I was waiting for something to occur, although I was not quite sure what that was.
Aww..the beach..I sighed..I had not visted the it much since I had left Drew. The ocean just held to many memories for me (for us) I thought. The only times I had been back there since I had left him was when I wanted to remember what we had. Was this one of those times? I asked myself. Why is there something pulling me there tonight? I knew this is where I needed to be though, so I headed towards the elevator, a young man had just stepped out & was heading in the other direction....something about him struck me as so familar....
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How can we lose our way
If we just let ourselves be led
And maybe it hurts today
But tomorrow will come out ahead
I don't wanna lose you so I let you go
And if it ends up we are meant to meet again
We'll let each other know...
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My heart stopped. It was Drew. I had not seen him in almost 3 years, but in my heart I knew. "Drew?" I called out as he stopped and slowly turned to look at me. Trying to regain my composure, I said "Drew, OMG what are you doing here in Miami?"
"Suzi?" he asked with a blank stare shadowing his face.
God, he looks so good. But he doesn't seem that happy to see me, I thought sadly. Thought's of Roy, had all but completely vanished in my mind.
"Are you going to just stand there?" I said. "Come here & give me a hug!"
Suddenly he grabbed me "We REALLY need to talk" He said.
Knowing that I needed to finally tell him about our child, I agreed as we headed towards the beach. I was trying to hide the rock that Roy had placed on my hand. I have hurt Drew enough, I thought, I didn't want to land this blow on him so soon. When we arrived at the beach I felt myself reaching for Drew's hand...it just felt so natural. Why am I doing this? I thought to myself, I'm getting married in 3 short months, why are we here, as we stopped and I turned to look at him. "Why are you here Drew?" I asked.
"Because Suzi, I know & there are just some things that I need to get off my chest!" he replied!
Oh god he knows about Drew Anthony, I thought as I stammered.
"But...but how did you...how could you possibly know?"
I heard him saying something about the NY Times as I sighed. He knows about Roy, I thought sadly, he knows nothing of Drew Anthony, I had managed to keep him out of the public eye. I was in my own little world, I heard myself telling him about how happy I was, as I felt him pulling my arm from behind my back, exposing Roys ring.
"I thought we were happy Suz, you HAD my ring!" Drew's said with tears glistening in his eyes.
God, I could see how much I had hurt him thru the beautiful eyes of his.
"Drew, there are just things that you could not possibly understand! You had a career ahead of you & I did not want to be your baggage!"
His reply was to tell me that he still loved me. I'm torn, here I am standing with the father of my baby, my one true love & I'm wearing someone else's ring! How did I get here? Where do I go now? I thought as I came back into our conversation by saying "Drew, please don't do this to me, the last 2 years have been pure hell without you & I'm trying to get on with my new life! Just like you did with yours." I said as I felt the tears falling profusely down my face. I felt him wipeing them away.
"Why are you crying Suzi? I'm sorry if I raized my voice, I'm just hurt by what has happened to US!" he said.
"I love you too Drew." I said in a soft whisper, knowing that this could mean disaster, but I did still love him, I always will.
"What?" Drew said not believing his ears.
"I love you too Drew!" I replied a little louder this time as I reached for is hand and placed a kiss upon his forehead.
"Come on" I said as I led him back into our hotel. This was it, the time had finally come to let Drew know about our son. I really was not quite to sure how he whould handle this news, esp. since I had kept it a secret. But Drew Anthony was growing up & he needed his daddy in his life!
I grabbed his hand again as we started into the hotel.
"What about Roy" he asked.
"Roy will understand, please don't question me, just come with me." I replied thinking to myself, no Roy will never understand but it was for our sons sake that I was folowing my heart. That somehow made it okay. Giving me that strange look of his, he shrugged his shoulders & followed me into my room.
Our Nanny Eugenia, was watching tv as we walked in, knowing who Drew was from 98 countless tv appearences, she was rather shocked to see him in my room....without questioning me she excused herself by saying she would be turning in for the night...she left us alone. I could tell from the expression on Drew's face that he was more then a little confused by the event's that were taking place around him. Poor boy..he has no idea what lies ahead of him. Taking his hand I led him to our son's room.
"shh..be quiet." I said as we entered the room were a little boy was sleeping so peacefully. I heard Drew gasp behind me as I turned to look at him, "Drew...I would like you to meet our son Drew Anthony..."
Instantly he let go of my hand..I didn't know what he was thinking at that moment...but I could tell by his actions that he would hate me for the rest of his life. I looked up to see Drew sitting down on the edge of little Drew's bed. There were tears in his eyes & that broke my heart.
"WHY..why Suz..did you keep our son from me ? WHY...didn't you tell me that our love created a son??" He whispered.
I started to approach him to reach out for him. A cold look came upon his face.
"If you don't mind I would like to spend time alone with MY son." He said as he pulled away from me.
All I could do was walk away, after all that seems to be what I do best.
"Take as much time as you want." as I left the room & headed back down to the beach crying....
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